speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
