That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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