I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
