i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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