Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
