I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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