i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
