just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
