I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize