did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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