ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
