I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
