Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
