i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
His nipple licking is glorious
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