Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
