tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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