we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
