turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
