We named our party play list daddy issues
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
