thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
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I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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