the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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