i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
