i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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