dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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