Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
