she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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