Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize