she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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