you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What is this nonsense on the table
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.