2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it