The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.