You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?