you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.