I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.