Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
