My balls are so social today.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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