just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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