I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
