Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
