There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
