hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
