I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
