I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Drunk is a universal language darling
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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