I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My feet surprised me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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