I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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