i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
