3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
