is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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