wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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