Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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