Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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