her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
