The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
