Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
