And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
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Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
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FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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