dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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