Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
