I didn't shave. On purpose
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
