I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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