it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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