some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What a dumb baby whore.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
