I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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