I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
