I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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