we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
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please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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